Dirty Talk for WASPs

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So we can start with the elephant in the room, yes the picture isn't a wasp, it's a bumblebee, but it's a gorgeous picture my mother took, so I'm going with it. Also the reference is a joke, but I'm poking fun at my own demographic, so hopefully that's allowed to pass as well. But it is true that not enough couples talk to each other during lovemaking, especially those who grew up in churches. Yet as women, it's a stereotype for a reason, we tend to be more verbal, and in general can be very aroused by verbal stimuli. Couples that talk, or that are noisier in general, report having better sex, so why not give it a try?

Start with talking during foreplay, not about the kids, not about anything other than what is happening, how it makes you feel, how it makes you remember past experiences of the same type. This is intro to dirty talk. Lots of people would be wildly uncomfortable if their partner were to pant some obscenity at them, or called them a derogatory term (like bitch or slut) which is what most people think of when they think of talking dirty, but that is only one way. Talking in bed can be great, as it focuses the attention of both parties onto the moment and shuts off the thought stream, as well as being a way to give subtle direction. And in that way it doesn't even have to be words, a good start would be to get noisier, make sounds when things feel good, moan. If you can get to a place where you're not thinking consciously about the noises you make, they can also help you get lost in the sensations by giving an outlet, as well as being a huge turn on to your partner.  

It can feel embarrassing, or weird to talk during sexual acts if it's not something you usually do though, and it can make you laugh. But laughing together is good, sex should not always be deadly serious. Stick to positives: that feels good, I can feel you there, keep doing that. Try to be specific: I like how your calf muscles look, I like how you smell, you get my heart racing. It does not have to be swear words or yelling, or even mentioning physical anatomy (lots of words for penis and vulva are funny not sexy). It can be, "remember that time we did this on the floor in front of the fire?" Try to speak, or if you just can't, you're too self conscious, ask that your partner does, but know that they might be embarrassed by the exercise as well. However, physical stimuli paired with verbal stimuli has been shown to be more effective for women than a physical stimulus alone in arousal, our brains are important sexual organs.

Communicating can help excite both of you, as well as start a conversation about your sex life without feeling like it. Isn't saying, “oh honey that feels good,” seem less confrontational than the next day saying. "I didn't enjoy some of the things we did last night.” Telling your partner gently with positive phrases or enthusiastic gasps can help both of you have more fun in bed, and be better in bed with each other. And who doesn't want to be their partner's enchantress? 

with partnerAdrienne Dahms