Spicing it Up

One of the questions I get asked frequently in my lectures during Q&A is: “How do I spice up my sex life?” The clitoral complex may be vital to good sex, however, as women, our brains are our most formidable sexual organ. Now there are many reasons you might be asking this question, to which I would give different responses. But here’s a list of fun things to try out if you feel the need (for whatever reason) to attempt to take things in the bedroom from mild to picante.

  1. Dirty Talk- See my blog post on “Dirty Talk for WASPs” for more specifics, but try to talk during sex a little, or have your partner talk to you. Use descriptors and name your sensations. Or if that feels weird, make an effort to make more noise than usual, to encourage and inflame your partner as well as to guide events as they unfold.

  2. Toys- While as you can see I don’t recommend porn, I do recommend toys. I am not talking about sparkly dildos the length and girth of your arm! But small vibrators or insertables can be excellent things for you and a partner to enjoy together. They are thought of as merely masturbatory aides, however they can be instead an excellent source of fun and exploration with a partner. Take turns using a vibrator on one another for example, and you both might discover new things.

  3. Blindfolds/Scarves- Don’t have to buy a blindfold or sleep mask, a scarf also works. When you can’t see, the lack of visual cues can heighten physical sensations. When you don’t know when something will happen, the anticipation can also add to the excitement. And you can take turns.

  4. More Uses for a Scarf- Scarves can also be used to tie one partner’s hands together or to the bed, with the added advantage (for those not normally into bondage and looking for jalapenos not ghost chilies) of being easy to get out of. As an experiment in taking a little control or giving it up, scarves can certainly add piquancy to foreplay without being truly restrictive.

  5. Lunchtime Sex- I always suggest this to new moms, as by the end of day you can be so tired, that you’re really too tired for enjoyable sex. (Really any kind of mom.) But in general, changing up the time of day or location you normally have sex can add flavor, especially if you’re in a rut or routine. I suggest lunchtime (or a good use of naptime), if work situations allow for people to get home for a long lunch, as hopefully no one’s too tired and there’s a little hint of urgency.

  6. Ice Cream/Whipped Cream/Non-Dairy Whatever- Sex should be fun. And incorporating a food product of any kind should be seen in that light. Be it ice cubes or flavored lube, put down a towel and let yourself be a little silly. Sometimes sex can be stressful. Things aren’t working or it feels like a duty or since being a mom stuff hurts that didn’t used to, and this only makes the next time you have sex have even more stress and expectations put on it. Food is about fun. And if all it results in is laughter and maybe a shared sticky shower, in my book, that’s a win too.